I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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