be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
