woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
