Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
