He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
