Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
