so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
