Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
