I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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