The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
