as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You pole danced in your parka.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
