a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
