That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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