I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
