ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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