I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
