Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
