Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
