I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
