I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize