im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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