Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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