she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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