remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
