My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
