And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
