wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
