haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
