My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
no you cant smoke seaweed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
