i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
