I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
