I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
