I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
