I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
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Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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