Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
