i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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