I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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