my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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