I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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