I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
