still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
