Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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