ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
