she woke up with a sticky ear
are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
