Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
