i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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