I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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