I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
accomplished twins. life is a go
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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