So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
