im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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