When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
