matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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