So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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