Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
