new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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