well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
