the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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