i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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