I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
