my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
