He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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