What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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