so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
