can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
