NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
