I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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