Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
